


mouths to feed

by dizzy



Series: we're all fucking fine 2020 advent fics [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27896125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: This one is all about dogs.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: we're all fucking fine 2020 advent fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035990
Comments: 29
Kudos: 116





	mouths to feed

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: _mpreg but Phil is pregnant (why is it always Dan?)_

Dan finds the dog outside of ASDA, and it may be the only good thing working at that store has ever done for him. 

He sees the dog when he goes in one morning and his heart pangs a bit. His own dog had the personality of cardboard but Dan thought she'd be immortal, her years feeling as long as his own. But he left for uni and a few months later she died and Dan still hasn't gotten used to the strangeness of imagining a home without her. 

This dog is smaller than his old one was. He's some sort of terrier but not a full one, Dan reckons. He's got black hair that's shaggy and long and matted in places. 

When he's still there after Dan's shift, lurking near the bins, Dan goes right back into the store to the pet aisle and buys dog food and a brush. It's not as though he's got anything else to do with his day. 

-

The dog eats a pile of food Dan pours from the bag right onto the ground. 

Dan tests things first with a couple of pets, screwing his face up at the smell of dirty, musky dog. "You need more than a brushing, don't you, mate?" Dan asks. 

But a brush is all he has and once Dan realizes this dog has no interest in growling or snapping at him he starts to gently sort out the mess of overgrown fur. He could really do with some clippers as well but he doesn't want to go back into that godforsaken store, so he does the best he can with what he has. 

There are a couple of spots that are brown showing through, and his eyes, once Dan gets the mess of fur in front of them sorted out, are a surprising blue. 

Dan gives him more food but even after that's gone the dog sits patient and still while Dan tends to him. "Where'd you come from, boy?" Dan asks. "Are you someone's pet?" 

The dog gives him a curious look and then settles onto the ground and closes his eyes. 

-

The dog is following him. 

It seems to have decided the large person with the food and the magic device that pulls and tugs is worth giving up his little bed of rubbish near the bins. 

Dan tries to bid him goodbye. He stops every few feet and looks back over his shoulder. He even makes a shooing motion once or twice, but if he's being honest he doesn't try that hard. 

His flat has a no pets policy, but he's always had a tenuous relationship with following expectations set before him by people in positions of authority. By the time he's at the steps of his building he's already made up his mind. 

-

He bathes the dog in his own shampoo, because he already knows he won't be able to stand the smell. It takes three goes with the suds before the water starts to run clear. 

"I hope you appreciate this," Dan tells him. "It's expensive." 

It's not, actually. He's on a uni drop-out ASDA employee budget. Nothing in his studio walk up is worth all that much. 

The dog yawns up at Dan. He apparently likes the warm water, but he's equally happy for Dan to towel him off. "I only have two towels," Dan says. "Now I'll have to do laundry tomorrow." 

He's not sure why he feels like the dog can be coerced into showing gratitude, but the warm lick he gets to his hands feels like a goal accomplished. 

-

He doesn't have more dog food, so he gives the dog a tin of tuna and then, later on, the milk left over in the bowl once his dinner of cereal is gone. 

The dog seems satisfied enough with that. He eats and then, bolstered by curiosity and apparent contentment, starts to circle the flat sniffing things out. 

"Don't piss on anything," Dan warns him. He's settled on the sofa now with his laptop open, the position he'll keep for the rest of the night. 

After a few minutes the dog wanders over and jumps onto the couch beside Dan. He scratches himself, then snuggles his warm little body right down into the spot beside Dan and rests his head on Dan's thigh. 

Dan puts his hand on the top of the dogs head and scratches gently. "Alright," he says, the closest he comes to an actual decision to keep the dog. "Fine." 

-

He spends an hour walking around the neighborhood looking at missing pet signs. 

When he walks into the pet shop the first thing he does is show the man behind the counter a picture of the dog - asleep on Dan's bed, as he'd remained most of the night and into the morning. 

"Do you know if anyone is missing this dog?" he asks. 

The man takes Dan's phone and Dan, in an act of overwhelming willpower, manages to not snatch it back. 

"Not that I've seen," he says, pushing his glasses up his nose and peering at it. 

"Well," Dan says. "He's in my flat right now and he can't stay." 

"If you'd like to leave your number I'll give you a ring if anyone comes in looking for him," the man says. 

So Dan leaves his number and then he spends his last twenty quid buying food, a bowl to put the food in and also one for water, a leash, and a couple of toys. 

-

"I guess I should name you," Dan says. 

The dog is gnawing blissfully on one of the toys, a little plush rainbow made of material that promised not to tear or break. 

Dan stares down at him. He's trimmed his shaggy fringe a bit so his eyes are actually visible again, but his left handed self wielding right handed scissors ended with something less than straight across. 

In fact, the angle strikes Dan as oddly familiar. 

"Oh," he says. "You look like that youtuber I used to watch." 

The dog pauses chewing the toy to look up at Dan. 

"How about that?" Dan asks. "Are you amazing, too? Should I just call you AmazingPhil?" 

The dog goes back to the toy, seeming to have no real opinion. 

-

AmazingPhil is a bit of a mouthful to call a dog. 

Saying Phil seems a bit too simplistic, though. He's not sure where he's at mentally on the concept of giving dogs human names. 

"AP?" He tries. "App? Phillie?" 

The dog lifts its head at that one. His fringe falls in front of his eyes again. It seems to grow back overnight. 

"Maybe I should have named you Gerard Way instead," Dan says. "Or MCR." 

The dog appears to be asleep.

"Whatever," Dan says. "I guess you're still AmazingPhil. But fair warning, I'll probably just end up calling you a little shit most of the time anyway." 

-

Phil is a very well trained dog, requiring little effort on Dan's part. He only really turns into a nuisance when he wants out while Dan's trying to sleep in or when Dan's eating cereal because he's decided cereal milk is really the best treat ever. He hasn't torn anything up yet and Dan's finding it might even be healthy for him to have a reason to put clothes on and leave his flat on days when the whole world seems pointless. 

-

When the first bag of food runs out, Dan makes another trip to the pet store. 

He takes AmazingPhil with him. The dog is good on a leash, receptive to all pets if slightly prone to shoving his nose in awkward places to get a sniff. 

"Perv," Dan mutters, tugging him away from a particularly flustered young man. 

The same man is behind the counter. "Anyone call for him yet?" Dan asks. 

The man shakes his head. "Looks like you're getting on fine, though. May want to get him groomed, though. That's a right mess of fur." 

He's not wrong. It doesn't seem to matter how much Dan brushes his coat out, he's still a shaggy mess. At least he smells nice now, though.

He picks up a couple more toys, a bag of treats, and makes him a name tag. 

-

"I have a dog now," he tells his mum when she rings later that week. 

She accepts it in stride, if somewhat patronizingly. "It's good that you've got some company. If you need money for food, just let us know. You know your nana would love to chip in." 

He won't accept their money the same way he hasn't accepted any of it since leaving uni. He may be too broke to even afford a train fare home but he's keeping his rent paid and his electricity on and he's got money for food, even if it tends toward pasta and tinned sauces more often than not. 

But he's making it. He's surviving. 

And now he's got a dog. 

"We're fine. He's actually great," Dan says. He looks at where Phil is curled up at the end of the bed. "I mean, I'm not thrilled about having to pick up his shit, but he's well behaved. He eats way more than Bhangy did, though. Is that weird? Should I be feeding him less?" 

"If he's a stray then he's probably still adjusting to actually having food there every time he wants it," she tells him. "Just feed what it says on the bag and he should be fine." 

-

Phil doesn't stop being hungry, though. He eats and whines at Dan for more and then he sulks on the floor by the bed and Dan actually hates how much it unsettles him that the fucking dog is cross with him. 

So he adds a bit more to the bowl. "We only live once, right, bub?" 

-

He's stretched out on the floor contemplating the futility of existence - and if it looked like he was napping instead, no it didn't - when he hears a low whine. 

He's immediately filled with an alarming amount of concern. "Phil?" He calls out. "Phillie? Where are you at, boy?" 

He hears another whine. The noise is useful for tracking and he finds the dog curled up on the other side of his bed, nestled on Dan's favourite hoodie and frantically licking its bits. 

"Oh... fuck," Dan says, because what he's seeing is absolutely not what he was expecting to see. 

The dog looks up at him and gives another whine. 

"Fuck," he says again. 

AmazingPhil isn't a boy after all. 

-

There are five squirmy, wriggly little puppies by the time it's all said and done. He does what any self respecting man of his day and age would do and googles tips on how to help a dog through birthing. The advice seems fairly simple and since the dog isn't acting in any acute distress and all of them come out breathing and squeaking, he doesn't think he needs to do anything more than provide support. 

So he does that. He brings her food and water and pets her head when she looks at him imploringly and then he watches one by one as she brings little beings into the world. She is, if not quite a Phil anymore, still very Amazing. 

Three are little clones of their mum. One has patches of white on its stomach and paws and the other is a mix of all three, browns and whites and blacks. He heeds the advice of the internet and doesn't try to touch them, afraid he might get a protective nip. 

But she doesn't seem to have any issue trusting him. She even goes to sleep with him sitting right there, clearly worn out from her adventurous evening. 

"Don't blame you," Dan says, and gives her another fond scratch behind the ears. 

-

He doesn't sleep at all that night. He just sits and watches the puppies, making sure each one of them latches and seems to be eating. The internet says he should measure birth weights to make sure they all gain as they should. He doesn't have a scale yet, but he can already see another trip to the pet store in his future.

Maybe even the vet, as well. Just to have them all looked over. He's already sure he'd be gutted if anything happened to one of them while they were under his care. 

He doesn't want to call his mum or his grandmother, but... he wants to tell someone. 

It feels big in a way that's taking up his whole heart right now. 

He wants someone to know about this. 

-

Dan Howell  
@AmazingPhil I adopted a dog last month and named it after you and it just gave birth under my bed so like idk thanks i guess

-

He's definitely not expecting a response, much less one in under five minutes. 

If only his desperately crushing sixteen year old self had known that the way to his favourite emo youtuber's heart was a litter of puppies. 

-

Phil Lester  
@danisnotonfire !!!! OMG pics??

Dan Howell  
@AmazingPhil mate I have five new mouths to feed. I will sell you pictures. 

-

Direct Messages

AmazingPhil  
What's your paypal?

danisnotonfire  
uhhhhhhhh

AmazingPhil  
really??

danisnotonfire  
uh no  
what?  
i mean no  
but also what?

AmazingPhil  
You said you'd sell me puppy pictures! how's fifty pound sound?

danisnotonfire  
mate for fifty pounds you can come see them in person 

AmazingPhil  
REALLY? Wait you're not in Manchester, are you?

danisnotonfire  
actually

AmazingPhil  
!!!!!!!!!  
WHEN

danisnotonfire  
r u serious

AmazingPhil  
I never joke about DOGS.

danisnotonfire  
but you do invite yourself to the flat of a complete stranger that follows you on twitter  
i could be a cannibal

AmazingPhil  
If you were a cannibal would you be trying to talk me out of coming to see your dogs? 

danisnotonfire  
maybe i don't even have dogs

AmazingPhil  
:( 

danisnotonfire  
fine I do have dogs  
fuck my LIFE i have six dogs  
FUCK 

AmazingPhil  
did you not know she was pregnant??

danisnotonfire  
I didn't even know she had a uterus so no  
why else would I have named her AmazingPhil

AmazingPhil  
I think it has unisex appeal  
If you had known who would you have named her after instead?

danisnotonfire  
Paperlillies  
obvs  
best youtuber out there

AmazingPhil  
oh so i'm not your favourite??

danisnotonfire  
give me money for your namesake's spawn and you will be

AmazingPhil  
Well I already asked for your paypal once 

danisnotonfire  
danisontonfire@gmail.com 

-

Dan looks at the hundred pounds sitting in his account. 

He can eat for a month on that. He can feed himself _and_ the dog for a month on that. But is he really going to take money from a stranger?

He looks over. One of the puppies is suckling happily. The rest are asleep. 

Yeah, he realizes. He definitely is. 

-

"Mazie," he says, fumbling for his phone in the dark. "Shut up." 

At least the shift in perception has provided a pleasant enough naming option. It's less cumbersome than her previous name and she responds to it well. 

She doesn't stop whining and he rolls onto his back. She wants out. She's more energetic now that her litter is out of her. 

He puts his joggers and a mostly clean t-shirt on and takes her downstairs so she can do her business. The pups are up by the time they're back upstairs, and he takes up his most common position of late: sitting and staring at them, falling more in love minute by minute. 

They don't actually have names yet, but they're four days old so maybe he should. 

He picks up his phone. He hasn't messaged AmazingPhil since that first conversation. He'd gone to sleep staring at it, wondering exactly what his life is, wondering if Phil would make good on wanting to see the puppies. 

A day had passed, then two, and three. He'd heard nothing and assumed the conversation was over.

But does it have to be? 

Worst potential outcome, he tells himself, is that a semi-famous youtuber blocks him online. He wouldn't even be that cross. AmazingPhil has been blowing up lately - he's skyrocketed past a million subscribers and all of Dan's uni mates last year had been fans of his. 

He's also fit as fuck. Not that Dan's uni mates - the male ones, at least - ever commented on that. Not that Dan ever commented on it to them. 

How would he have even worked that in? _Yeah, I wanked it raw daily to that one video where he drops his trousers. Fond memz._

He grits his teeth at the memory, both the good and the bad of it. 

The wave of impulse carries him and he starts to type. 

-

Direct Message

danisnotonfire  
Your godchildren need names. 

AmazingPhil  
Phil 1, Phil 2, Phil jr. Phillena and Philippa 

danisnotonfire  
fuck off i've seen that video i'm not calling one philippa 

AmazingPhil  
Hahaa!  
Hey when do I get to see them? 

danisnotonfire  
mate if u wanna risk ur life just name the date and time 

AmazingPhil  
This afternoon?  
Also can I film some? This would make a great video. 

danisnotonfire  
I don't think youtube would allow you to post your own cannibalisation. 

AmazingPhil  
stoppppppppp  
was that a yes though?

danisnotonfire  
yeah sure whatev

-

Dan truly never understood what prompted his mum to clean like her life depended on it when company was coming over until now. 

-

Phil Lester is taller than Dan expected, and a fuck of a lot prettier, if possible. 

He's wearing black jeans and a brightly patterned t-shirt and thick glasses and Dan's heart skips so many beats it's pounding out a staccato rhythm in his chest. 

The first words he says to Dan are, "Oh my god, my legs are going to fall off. That's so many stairs!" 

"Yeah," Dan says. "Welcome to hell." 

"Ohmygod," he says again, in a rush this time. "Who is this!" 

Mazie is staring at him - shyly, to Dan's surprise, given how eager she was to befriend him in that ASDA car park. 

"Mazie," Dan says. "Short for-" 

"AmazingPhil." Phil beams down at her, kneeling. He hasn't even taken the messenger bag off of his shoulder. "She's so cute! What kind of dog is she?" 

"Fuck if I know," Dan says. "I've only had her a few weeks. From what I can tell online, maybe some kind of Tibetan terrier mix." 

"She does look a bit like me," Phil says. "I can see the resemblance." 

"I thought so." Dan shoves his hands into his pockets. "Um, want a drink or something? Or should we just get straight to the puppies?" 

"Puppies," Phil says. "Absolutely the puppies." 

They're no longer tucked between Dan's bed and the wall. Using some of the money Phil had sent him, Dan got a dog bed twice the size that Mazie would actually need. She still likes to sleep on his bed sometimes but most of the day she's nestled in there grooming or feeding or napping with her babies. 

She curls herself around them again now, leaning down to lick one of them on the head. "Here," Dan says, feeling strangely proud of the ease with which he reaches in and picks one up. It opens its mouth in a big yawn that ends in a tiny squeak but besides that neither mum nor pup are bothered. "You can hold one." 

"It's so small," Phil says. "I'm afraid I'll break it." 

"Just uh... don't try it," Dan suggests, voice dry. 

Phil cups the puppy in his hands, his fingers long enough to securely wrap around it. He lifts it up to his face and then Dan watches the magical moment that Phil's heart actually melts. "Dan." Phil's voice is full of awe. "This is the actual cutest thing I've ever seen." 

"Same," Dan says. "It physically hurts me when I have to leave for work." 

"Oh, yeah?" Phil asks, glancing up. "Where do you work?" 

Dan grimaces. "ASDA. I can't escape it. I worked there when I was in college and moved to Manchester for uni and now I'm right back there. Green isn't even my color." 

"I don't know," Phil says. He looks down at the puppy studiously. "I think you'd look good in green." 

Dan's whole body does a weird hot-cold thing. "Um. Not that shade, though. I mean, do you know what ASDA employees have to wear? They're like, actually designed so that no one looks good in them." 

Phil considers it. "Alright, fine, not that shade," he relents. "Where do you go to uni?" 

"I don't anymore," Dan says. It's somehow easier to admit to a stranger than his own family. Phil's already seen his flat and the area he lives in, after all. It's not as though he's got delusions of Dan being somehow a successful person in life. "I dropped out last year. But I was studying law at Manchester uni." 

"I've got a lot of friends who went there," Phil says. He puts down the puppy in his hands and picks up another one that's squirming about. "Are they boys or girls?" 

"I don't trust them based on how she tricked me," Dan says, then obligingly pets Mazie to make up for his slander. "But I think three boys and two girls." 

"What are you going to do with them?" 

"I don't know," Dan admits. "I can't keep them for sure. I might ask my mum if she wants one. Our family dog died last year." 

"Oh." Phil makes a sympathetic sound. 

"No, it's okay, she was literally as old as me, we were all amazed she made it to nineteen." 

"So you're..." Phil trails off. 

"Twenty now," Dan says. 

"Oh, good." 

Dan doesn't ask why it's good. He's afraid to push his luck. 

"So..." Phil trails a finger down the soft, silky fur of the puppy he's holding cradled to him. "What does your girlfriend think of them?" 

Dan almost - almost - laughs. It's the least smooth question he's possibly ever heard in his life, and he loves it. He didn't actually know if Phil was straight or not but now he has a strong inclination toward not. 

He's also sure Phil already knows the answer to that question if he looked at Dan's twitter at all, considering Dan uses twitter as a way to shamelessly fangirl after every queer celebrity he wants to. It's his safe family-free space and he's never censored himself there. 

Just... everywhere else in life. But why not try it out here and now? 

He lets the giddiness carry him into honesty. 

"Don't have one," Dan says. 

Phil smiles at him and he seems to relax a bit. "Are you okay being filmed? If not, it's alright. I'll just censor you out in the video. I'll put a Pokemon over your face or something."

"Which Pokemon?" Dan asks. 

"Goldeen," Phil says. 

"Fuck off," Dan shoots back immediately. "Fucking Goldeen? Are you shitting me? No, you can film me. I don't trust you." 

Phil's grinning as he gets his camera ready. "Alright, let's name some puppies." 

-

Phil stays for five hours, long enough for them to need to take Mazie on a walk and to pick up pizza (Phil's treat) to bring back for a late lunch. 

They talk about everything. Pokemon and dogs and university and Dan's teenage youtube obsession and which other youtubers Phil knows are actually assholes and the trips he's gotten to go on because of his channel. 

Then they'd talked about other things; about family and sometimes how family doesn't get it. Phil's parents still expect him to find a normal job at some point even though he's paying his rent with internet money these days. 

He only gets up to leave because he says he needs to start editing the footage, and even then he stays fifteen more minutes teasing Dan about how he'll be hiding Goldeens everywhere in the video. 

There's a moment at the door where they both stop like maybe they're going to hug, but Phil ends up taking a step backwards and scratching the back of his head and then Dan blurts out a slightly more forceful goodbye than he'd intended and Phil is gone. 

But it doesn't feel bad. He just spent half a day with someone he not only has fancied for literally years but also apparently gets on with really, really well. 

Not even the fact that he has to do the overnight shift at work now can dampen his spirits. 

-

Direct Messages

AmazingPhil  
Are you free tomorrow?

danisnotonfire  
phil you left here like three hours ago you can't already miss the puppies

AmazingPhil  
Of course I can :( I missed them as soon as I left.  
But that's not why I asked

danisnotonfire  
?

AmazingPhil  
Just thought maybe you'd like to get coffee or something?  
If not it's alright though  
We just got on well  
Or at least I thought we did  
Maybe I was wrong??

danisnotonfire  
Phil.

AmazingPhil  
........... yeah?

danisnotonfire  
my answer is yes  
and you weren't wrong btw 

AmazingPhil  
:D

-

Dan sits down in front of Mazie, who looks up at him and wags her tail a bit. 

"Here," he says, and hands her a treat. "You earned this."

**Author's Note:**

> AmazingPhil who? We stan AmazingSarah for the beta work. She may even be better than _puppies._


End file.
